{"id":190613,"date":"2019-03-19T15:58:16","date_gmt":"2019-03-19T19:58:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.livabl.com\/articles\/?p=190613"},"modified":"2019-03-19T15:58:16","modified_gmt":"2019-03-19T19:58:16","slug":"managing-emotions-while-buying-a-house","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.livabl.com\/articles\/guides\/managing-emotions-while-buying-a-house","title":{"rendered":"A first-time homebuyer\u2019s guide to managing emotions when making life\u2019s most stressful purchase"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/h4>

Buying a home is without a doubt an emotional decision. Your home is where family traditions will come to life, lifelong memories will be formed and you\u2019ll pass countless nights breaking bread with friends and loved ones. On top of the immense pride that comes from having a place to call your own, it\u2019s also a large chunk of change to throw down \u2014 for many, the biggest purchase they will make in their lives. The whole experience can lead even the steeliest among us to feel flustered. An American study by Homes.com<\/a> discovered that 40 percent of participants said buying a home was the \u201cmost stressful event in modern life.\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s normal to let emotions, intuition or \u201ca gut feeling\u201d guide you to \u201cthe one.\u201d But it can also lead you astray if you fail to consider the logical side \u2014 your budget, the property value, resale value and keeping your non-negotiable checklist in mind.<\/p>\n

To help keep the right side and left side of the brain in balance, Livabl spoke to Toronto-based real estate agent Roger Travassos and Toronto-based psychologist Dr. Mariyam Ahmed <\/a>for advice while you navigate the homebuyer feels.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Photo: rentalstowealth\/Instagram<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

Why the emotional roller coaster? A psychologist explains.<\/h2>\n

\u201cAny time people are facing a change or transition, it can bring up a whole host of emotions. Buying a home is certainly a transition,\u201d explains Dr. Ahmed. \u201cIf you find yourself feeling stressed or worried, don\u2019t judge yourself negatively. It\u2019s important to acknowledge and validate your emotions\u201d.<\/p>\n

A symbolic milestone:<\/strong> \u201cA lot of times there is a sense of pressure from a social or cultural perspective because homeownership is considered to be such a milestone,\u201d explains Dr. Ahmed. \u201cWhether we\u2019re looking at it as a financial goal that you have met or it represents a relationship moving forwards or beginning your family\u201d.<\/p>\n\n

Identify your thoughts, feelings and<\/strong> behaviors:<\/strong> \u201cWe can essentially break down any situation into three components: our thoughts (how we\u2019re perceiving a situation), our emotions (how we feel) and our behavior (what we do),\u201d says Dr. Ahmed. \u201cYou can use this framework for homebuying. If you notice heightened emotions, ask yourself what thought is associated with that emotion. Say, for example, you\u2019re feeling anxious. The thought behind the feeling could be \u201cI can\u2019t afford this house.\u201d Revisiting your finances might help you come up with another perspective. You\u2019re not necessarily looking for a positive or negative perspective, but to have a balanced and realistic outlook,\u201d explains Dr. Ahmed.<\/p>\n

How much is your past history impacting your decision?:<\/strong> \u201cOur memories and our past experiences \u2014 positive and negative \u2014 shape our beliefs, our thoughts and how we approach a specific situation,\u201d explains Dr. Ahmed. \u201cSo they can certainly have an influence on a variety of factors when we\u2019re looking at a property from likes and dislikes to our financial decisions. It\u2019s helpful to be aware of the extent our histories are influencing our decisions and if they are still relevant for us today.\u201d<\/p>\n

Communicating with your partner:<\/strong> \u201cMake sure you\u2019re having an open and honest discussion with your partner and sharing why it\u2019s important to you,\u201d suggests Dr. Ahmed. \u201cThis is where previous beliefs and family histories can come up. I often see people become very alarmed when there is a difference of opinion. Remember, you are both unique individuals with two different experiences in life. It\u2019s okay to state a difference of opinion. Express your viewpoint and be willing to hear your partner\u2019s perspective.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Photo: James Bombales<\/em><\/p>\n

Establish your non-negotiable checklist with your realtor<\/h2>\n

When I meet with clients, the first thing I\u2019ll do is sit down and discover what matters most to them \u2014 what their five must-haves are, and the absolute non-negotiables,\u201d explains Travassos. \u201cI try to get a good sense of their lifestyle and what\u2019s important to them. Are they an artist who needs an extra room in the house for a studio? How long are they planning to live there? What is the commute like?\u201d<\/p>\n

Establishing your needs will help your realtor narrow down appropriate homes but it will also keep you in check at a viewing. Travassos recommends holding on to your list \u2014 but not too tight. You might discover that your needs will adapt and change as you go through the homebuying process.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve found some of my clients discover what\u2019s most important to them when they go through homes. Sometimes people will say location is the most important thing and then they\u2019ll fall for a home that\u2019s further away but crosses everything else on their list. I\u2019ll always say, \u2018This isn\u2019t in the area you wanted. What changed? How will this impact your lifestyle?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

The layout is gorgeous \u2014 and sure, your Christmas tree will look amazing in that corner of the living room \u2014 but is it worth pulling your kids out of their current school district?<\/p>\n

If you have a real estate agent who never asks questions, be concerned. \u201cI can show the value in a house but I\u2019m also not afraid to go to the other side and point out important things that might be missing,\u201d explains Travassos.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Photo: James Bombales<\/em><\/p>\n

Do your homework<\/h2>\n

Emotions can lead you to pay more for a house than you can realistically afford. It can also cause you to lowball to the point where you miss out on house after house. The best defense is to understand the average selling price for the specific neighborhood \u2014 or even street \u2014 that you\u2019re looking at.<\/p>\n

\u201cI show my clients all the numbers \u2014 what similar homes in the neighborhood sold for, how much above asking and how many days it sat on the market,\u201d explains Travassos. \u201cBut ultimately, the home is worth whatever the person pays for it. I will always ask my clients what the home is worth to them. Because in the end, they\u2019re the ones who need to walk away from it feeling like they made the right decision and that it\u2019s worth what they paid for\u201d.<\/p>\n

If you find yourself in a bidding war, make sure you establish your cut-off price before you begin.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen we feel anxious or stressed, our fight or flight response is activated,\u201d explains Dr. Ahmed. \u201cBehaviorally, we could freeze or act impulsively. Planning beforehand will help you avoid making an impulsive decision during a bidding war. I suggest having a discussion with your partner or your support network to outline what you will do if you\u2019re up against multiple bids in advance\u201d.<\/p>\n

How many homes should you look at before you decide?<\/h2>\n

Popular wisdom would say you should view at least five homes before you make a decision.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t recommend a certain number of houses. My guide for that is always the client,\u201d explains Travassos. \u201cIf I have a client who is really unsure or they have a fear of making the right or wrong decision, they\u2019ll often ask me if a better house will come up. When they say this, I know they don\u2019t know the market well enough. For some clients, it takes time. Sometimes you meet people who are very confident and sure of what they want. You walk into a property that checks every box and you know they\u2019re ready\u201d.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Photo: James Bombales<\/em><\/p>\n

Sure, you love it. But will other people when it\u2019s time to sell?<\/h2>\n

It\u2019s important that you love the home \u2014 you\u2019ll be the one living there, after all. But you should always think about the resale value. Travassos makes sure he doesn’t have any concerns if he had to sell the house the next day. \u201cIf I do, I\u2019ll ask if they are a concern for the client as well,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

For example, you might require a two-bedroom but find a three-bedroom in the same price range. If it\u2019s a short-term investment, you might want to consider looking for a house with an extra room to avoid narrowing your buying pool.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t let the decor cloud your judgment.<\/h2>\n

If a home is particularly dark, cluttered and dated, it can be tough to keep your emotions from screaming a big hell no. But when you\u2019re working with a tighter budget, being open to the diamond in the rough can give you a competitive edge.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo long as the house checks all the other boxes, I try to walk my clients through it, demonstrate the value and give solutions so they can see it differently,\u201d explains Travassos.<\/p>\n

A few tins of white paint can work wonders on those dark kitchen cabinets.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, don\u2019t be fooled by the finest features and finishes. If the home fails to meet your must-haves, the fancy faucets and stunning marble island won\u2019t keep the long-term annoyances from piling up in a home that\u2019s impractical for you.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Photo: katrinamalaiba\/Instagram\u00a0<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

There are always more fish in the sea<\/del> houses on the market.<\/h2>\n

House hunting is exhausting, and after a few lost offers, you might want to settle for a house you know isn\u2019t right for you or go over-budget. Travassos reminds his clients that there are always other houses and you can\u2019t let FOMO<\/a> (the fear of missing out) cloud your judgment.<\/p>\n

\"See\r\n SEE ALSO:<\/span>First-time buyer FOMO: 3 tips to keep you going when home-buying stress hits hard.<\/a><\/strong>\r\n <\/div><\/b><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s okay to move on,\u201d he says. \u201cEvery single client I\u2019ve ever worked with has lost out at one point. But when they do close on a house, I\u2019ve never once heard them say they wish they got the other one instead.\u201d<\/p>\n

Remember that sellers are people too, and they\u2019re also feeling all the feels.<\/h2>\n

A personal touch can go a long way in helping with negotiations. Remember, sellers are people too, and putting their home on the market has likely inspired a roller coaster of emotions, as well.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve worked with sellers who weren’t willing to budge on the price but then got a personal letter from a client, felt a connection to them and became more willing to negotiate,\u201d says Travassos.<\/p>\n