![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.livabl.com\/articles\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/spider-lane1.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nPhoto: forsalebyowner.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n Our first tragic listing<\/a> comes out of Casper, WY. This five-bedroom, three-bath home sits on a picturesque hilltop overlooking 35 acres \u2014 on a quiet, little street named \u201cPoison Spider Road.\u201d We\u2019re not sure if it\u2019s a fair parallel, but it\u2019s kind of like getting a hit on your Bumble profile from \u201cBlack Widow_39.\u201d Unfortunate nomenclature aside, this listing derails quickly on its own thanks to the homeowner\u2019s poor use of either the panoramic setting on their photo device or an unintelligent lens choice. Honestly, it\u2019s hard to tell exactly which caused the misfire.<\/p>\n Photo: forsalebyowner.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n The listing hits rock bottom in the basement, ironically enough, where a nausea-inducing mix of patterns was enough to almost remind us what we had for breakfast\u2026 yesterday. We\u2019ll swipe left on this gem (not that we\u2019re afraid of poisoned spiders or anything\u2026).<\/p>\n Photo: forsalebyowner.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n This<\/a> \u201cbeautifully cared for log sided home with wrap around porch\u201d is located in Buffalo, WY. It boasts over 1,200 square feet of pure country living space, three-bedrooms and one-bathroom. And, a kitchen full of more nicknacks than a dollar store. It\u2019s truly distracting and hard on the retinas, as each object vies for your eyes\u2019 attention.<\/p>\n Photo: forsalebyowner.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n The log cabin also comes with a laundry room, but there is apparently no \u201cfold and put away service\u201d available \u2014 hence, the piles and piles of fresh-out-of-the-wash clothes. Swipe left, and fire the maid.<\/p>\n Photo: forsalebyowner.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n We head to Powell, WY for our next listing<\/a>, a \u201cdarling starter home or rental.\u201d The 900-square-foot, three-bedroom home leans more on the quaint than the darling side, but it\u2019s ideally priced to sell at $125,000. The homeowner went to great lengths to photograph the home, being sure to highlight the new roof by taking a photo while standing on said roof. While this makes us all kinds of nervous, we\u2019re more relieved that they didn\u2019t go to the same lengths to show off the new plumbing.<\/p>\n Photo: forsalebyowner.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n This listing<\/a> out of Clarksburg, WV (no relation) features a recently renovated three-bedroom, one-and-a-half-bath with a \u201chuge\u201d yard and a \u201chuge\u201d deck. The home\u2019s main bathroom was recently redone, and the first floor boasts brand-new flooring. As an added bonus, all of the appliances can be yours, if the price is right \u2014 $141,500, the full asking price. We\u2019d certainly be tempted to swipe right on this one, but a messy bed in the master bedroom was too great a disappointment for us to bear. We regretfully must swipe left.<\/p>\n Photo: forsalebyowner.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n This Lancaster, OH listing<\/a> is very much a mixed bag. On the one hand, the home is a well-maintained custom-build from the 1930s, and sits on an acre of land. It has four-bedrooms, and three-bathrooms and over 2,000 square feet of space. Did we mention it also has an eight-person outdoor hot tub? So yeah, it has that going for it as well.<\/p>\n Photo: forsalebyowner.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n But blurry photos, less than ideal photo cropping, and worst of all, not showing the coveted hot tub makes this listing a definite swipe left. Way to build up the excitement, and totally let us down, Lancaster.<\/p>\n Photo: forsalebyowner.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n The homeowner of this<\/a> Westerville, OH home decided they only needed one photo to sell their 1,900-square-foot, four-bedroom and two-and-a-half-bath home. And that photo turned out to be a screenshot from a mobile device \u2014 complete with the volume adjustment bar completely visible at the top of the screenshot. And while we get that even though tech has become a lot more \u201cuser friendly\u201d in recent years, some users are still bewildered as to how to send a GIF or an emoji. That said, help is readily available both online and off, which makes it hard to overlook the low-tech photo.<\/p>\n Photo: forsalebyowner.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n Our next listing<\/a> comes out of Prospect, OH and features a nice \u201colder home\u201d on a corner lot. It has \u201ca lot of beautiful natural woodwork, updated bathrooms, updated plumbing, and all appliances will go with the home.\u201d The homeowner is selling the 1,100-square-foot, three-bedroom home for $112,000, and we\u2019d almost be tempted to take a closer look but several of the photos are so dark we\u2019re left shaking our heads in frustration, wondering why the homeowner didn\u2019t just turn on a light or open the curtains. And while we sometimes like our atmosphere dark and moody, it\u2019s not the best for photographing a home you want to sell. Unless, of course, you plan on selling to a vampire.<\/p>\n Photo: forsalebyowner.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n There\u2019s a lot to love about this<\/a> Conneaut, OH listing. The home is a Dutch Colonial farmhouse that has received many recent updates and looks to have been very, very well-maintained over the years. It features an eat-in kitchen, slate countertops, a double wall oven, a plethora of cabinets, a first floor laundry and even a mud room. The 1,500-square-foot, three-bedroom home is selling for $146,000, and, thanks to the excellent photos provided by the homeowner, it looks to be a great deal.<\/p>\n So yes, we\u2019re going to get real nit-picky here \u2014 try not to be *too* perfect when photographing your home. A happy medium between lived-in and fresh on the market is ideal. For example, behold the home\u2019s pantry. Come on, who has a pantry that organized aside from maybe Chef Ramsey (though we actually imagine him walking into an oversized pantry and screaming because he can\u2019t find the allspice, more fun that way). The photo gives us pantry-envy and we\u2019re just not happy feeling this way. Swipe left (bye sweet pantry, goodbye).<\/p>\n Photo: forsalebyowner.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n It\u2019s perpetually Christmastime in this<\/a> Felicity, OH listing, and all we can say is bah, humbug! And while we\u2019re usually excited for the yuletide merriment, the homeowner\u2019s lazy light show is the reason for our melancholy. For starters, the listing\u2019s main photo is a screenshot (see listing number 6 if you need a refresher on screenshots). The photo is dark, somewhat blurry, and looks to have been taken from across the street.<\/p>\n Also, the holiday lights are just very underwhelming. If you\u2019re going to take a picture of your blinged-out holiday home, it better rival Clark W. Griswold\u2019s or don\u2019t bother. We may get a lump of coal in our stocking next year, but this listing kills our post-holiday cheer. (Bonus points if you can name the movie that\u2019s quoted at the top of this entry!)<\/p>\n Photo: forsalebyowner.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n They say a man\u2019s home is his castle, and this<\/a> Lake Ozark, MO home is literally a castle. It boasts nearly 6,000 square feet of pure medieval living space, four-bedrooms, five-bathrooms, a wet bar, screening room, and our favorite perk \u2014 a coffee bar. So, no doubt you\u2019re wondering why this one made the list.<\/p>\n Photo: forsalebyowner.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n It can be summed up in just one sentence, graciously provided by the homeowner \u2014 \u201ccastle exterior hides a modern, stylized interior.\u201d Wait, what? No dungeon? No coats of armor? No secret passages? And worst of all, no mead? We\u2019re big believers in going all out with a theme, and this home leaves us feeling catfished.<\/p>\n Photo: forsalebyowner.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n If we wanted modern design, we wouldn\u2019t be shopping for a castle. Adding insult to injury, the exterior photos are of a far superior quality than the interior shots, which are dark, poorly angled and badly cropped. We\u2019ll take our Game of Thrones fantasies elsewhere, thank you much, Ozark.<\/p>\n Photo: forsalebyowner.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n We\u2019re still in Lake Ozark, MO for our next listing<\/a>, a 2,800-square-foot, five-bedroom home that the homeowner declares is \u201ca steal for the money.\u201d Much of the home has recently been redone or updated, including the flooring, appliances, water system and the heating and cooling system. But the listing\u2019s photos have not been brought up to date with the 21st century. They look like they were screenshots from a game of Super Mario Bros, which is confusing considering that nearly every brand of smartphone produced in the last five years (or more) is capable of taking better resolution photos than the ones seen here. We like a little retro from time to time, but not like this. Swipe left, and let\u2019s play some Donkey Kong on the way to our final listing.<\/p>\n Photo: forsalebyowner.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n Our final listing takes us to Monterville, WV. It features a three-bedroom, one-bath home that is \u201ccountry living at it’s (sic) best.\u201d We can neither agree nor disagree with the homeowner on that point because every single one of the listing\u2019s photos were taken through what looks like a peephole. Several of the homeowner\u2019s fingers make guest appearances in some of the accompanying photos as well.<\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n2. Wash, fold and no-put-away<\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n3. High anxiety, or don\u2019t try this at home<\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n4. So near, and yet\u2026<\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n5. More show, less tell<\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n6. Somebody call the Geek Squad, STAT!<\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n7. You\u2019re not scared of the dark, are you?<\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n8. Homeowner, give us a call, k?<\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n9. \u201cIt\u2019s indescribably beautiful!\u201d<\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n10. Be it ever so humble<\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n11. What real estate listings would\u2019ve looked like on the Nintendo 64<\/h2>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n12. Peeping Tom Thumb<\/h2>\n
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