Photo: RE/MAX Central

Here’s something I’ve been thinking about lately: If you own a house that’s been “frozen in time” — let’s say you haven’t upgraded the appliances, renovated the bathrooms or invested in new furniture since the decade you moved in — you’ll either be rewarded generously for your lack of effort or mocked mercilessly on the internet. Those are the only two outcomes. 

Renewed interest in mid-century modern design has resulted in a new demographic of buyers who seek out these clean-lined time warps. But what about every other design era? Surely there is someone out there who is nostalgic for the curvy silhouettes and mirrored surfaces of the late 80s and early 90s. Sound like you? Well, I’ve got just the place in mind: Actor Joe Pesci’s waterfront Jersey Shore estate.

Photo: RE/MAX Central

Browsing through the listing photos of 91 Pershing Boulevard, I’m led to believe that Pesci cut his Goodfellas paycheck and cashed it in on this eight bedroom, eight bathroom home in Lavallette, New Jersey. The house, and all of the furniture and decor in it, doesn’t look a day over 1990 — the same year the iconic mob movie was released and Pesci’s 7,219-square-foot manse was built. 

Photo: RE/MAX Central

Honing in on the exterior, you’ll notice its postmodern design and vivid teal front door (name a more iconic 90s color, I’ll wait). There’s not much in the way of landscaping, but you could park about 15 Chevy Impalas in the driveway, so that’s a bonus.

Photo: RE/MAX Central

Stepping inside, you’re greeted by a curved staircase with open treads and some oddly-placed “statement art,” like the vintage barber chair that serves as a nod to Pesci’s former career as a salon owner.

Photo: RE/MAX Central

Throughout the home, there are numerous framed photos of Pesci and posters of his most noteworthy films (who could forget Moonwalker?). This breaks the cardinal rule of home staging (ie remove all personal effects), but frankly, I find that it distracts from the exceptional array of chairs on display in the main living area. 

Photo: RE/MAX Central

The beige leather tub chairs have gotta go, but everything else is like Miami Vice perfection. Those blue and gold barstools? Vinyl cantilever chairs? Modular loungers? Incredible, all of them.

Photo: RE/MAX Central

Photo: RE/MAX Central

I’d also like to point out the lone swan sculpture sitting in the dining room, a metaphor, perhaps, for Pesci’s recent appearance in The Irishman, which many have called director Martin Scorsese’s ‘swan song.’ 

Photo: RE/MAX Central

The rec room is an all-out shrine to Pesci, with a Lethal Weapon pinball machine and a framed poster (that appears to be on a stand?) of the Academy Award winner accepting his Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in 1991. However, I’m mostly taken aback by the merry-go-round horse in the corner with a vase of decorative branches at its feet. Would really love to know what that’s all about, Joe!

Photo: RE/MAX Central

Photo: RE/MAX Central

The upstairs bedrooms are just as peculiar. The master, for example, features a brass-framed bed that floats in the middle of the room, with no area rug or light fixture to anchor it. There’s a lovely view of the water and framed portraits of Pesci and his golden retriever wearing quirky hats! The ensuite gives off a doctors’ office vibe with a beam scale and sterile, all-over tile.

Photo: RE/MAX Central

Photo: RE/MAX Central

One of the bedrooms has been converted into an office and the others seem to be loosely-themed guest quarters where frilly, floral bedding, overgrown pothos plants, and mismatched purple accents abound. 

Photo: RE/MAX Central

The basement is reminiscent of a low-budget, floating casino, featuring white plastic patio chairs, a total workhorse of a kitchen (two ranges, two ovens and loads of counter space), and dated brown carpet that I’m certain smells like cigar smoke.

Photo: RE/MAX Central

The outdoor area is much more appealing, although it could use some deck chairs and a few umbrellas. I know it’s November but indulge me! The curvilinear, in-ground pool is paired with a round hot tub and surrounded by a massive wood deck that appears to be somewhat new (!!!).

Photo: RE/MAX Central

The elevated area drops right down into the bay (hold onto your beer) and Pesci’s stretch of coastline is reinforced with a deep-water bulkhead. There’s also a lengthy private dock with benches, a boat slip, and ramp for cranking up your jet ski.

Photo: RE/MAX Central

If I were an ultra-rich Millennial (do those even exist?) nostalgic for the decade of my birth, I could totally envision breathing new life into this outdated space, while preserving all the best (read: kookiest) parts of it. If that stuck-in-the-early-90s Joe Pesci lifestyle on the Jersey Shore is what you’re after, look no further than 91 Pershing Boulevard, priced at a cool $6.5 million.

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