Not all home listings are created equal. Some homeowners go the extra mile to make sure they showcase their home in the best possible light.
And others, well let’s just say they don’t sweat the small stuff — like image quality, using stock photos, photobombs or over-using groovy photo filters.
So, without any further ado, we humbly present these 10 totally awkward — and cringeworthy — home listing photos. May the odds be ever in your favor that none of the listings are yours.
1. What’s in the bag?
“This little waterfront beauty” hails from Molunkus, ME. The 500-square-foot one-bedroom home sits right on an “ATV/snowboarding trail” and has “plenty of moose and deer” in the yard. The only interior photo of the home looks like a #ThrowbackThursday post on social media — there’s a tube television set in the corner (Google it if those words mean nothing to you) that is next to impossible to watch given its present location, and a 1960s-esque handbag sitting on the table. Even with an asking price of $75,000, the only thing we really want to know is if the handbag is included.
2. He’s no Picasso.
The homeowner of this Madison, ME home attempted to show their artistic side with their home listing and succeed they did not. The two-bedroom 1,700-square-foot home boasts new appliances and a new gas heating system. “Great sunsets on the lake” are included, free of charge. The homeowner also included a poorly lit, poorly angled shot of the home that even fails to sell the beautiful lake. Stick to your day job, homeowner.
3. The ‘70s called — they want their wallpaper back
Stepping into this Squaw Valley, CA home is like taking a groovy trip back to the 1970s. The home features some trippy wood paneling, shaggy olive green carpets and obnoxiously loud wallpaper. The only thing the bathroom is missing is a tiger or panther to complete the vintage jungle theme. We can almost hear the Bee Gees playing in the background, and the song is, of course, “Tragedy.” That aptly sums up this listing.
4. Welcome to the new cult, errr your new home
“If you want complete privacy,” then you’ll flip for this listing out of Bishop, CA. It should also appeal to anyone who has ever had an interest in cult living. The gated compound will make you feel as though you’ve stepped onto a movie set about Charlie Manson. The property is isolated, which is never a good thing in most horror films, and the home itself is surrounded by lush, tall trees — another bad sign. The homeowner also uses photos that are a decade old, at least, and includes no interior photos of any kind. We’re going to have to trust our gut on this one and just say no. We don’t want to be featured on the next season of Crime Story.
5. Um, that’s not what “spacious” means
Our next listing comes out of Kernville, CA. The home is billed as a “great starter home” by the zealous homeowner, definitely a stretch on the word “great.” However, the most blatant exaggeration is the caption of the kitchen and living room photo — the owner calls the rooms “spacious.” Judging from the photo, singular, the kitchen is right on top of the living room, and neither are very spacious. It makes us wonder about those included “new” appliances.
6. Ever feel like the walls are closing in?
It’s nearly impossible not to notice the photorealistic decals on several of the walls in this Galt, CA home. They’re eye-catching, fun, and more than a wee bit tacky. A flock of ducks takes to the sky in one bedroom, while a dreamy waterfall scene sets the mood in the dining room — along with a full-sized ivory piano worthy of Liberace. The homeowner also went the extra mile by adorning said waterfall with living plants to make it even more realistic. We’re not really fans of the themed walls, but if Billy Joel wanted to serenade us during dinner, we would love to hear “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant” — not a cover of “Waterfalls” by TLC.
A possible headline for this Alpine Meadows, CA listing could be “must love snow.” From the wall-mounted skis to the photo of the home buried in snow, we couldn’t help but conjure up recollections of Stephen King’s The Shining. And while the listing’s photos didn’t reveal a “redrum” in the home, we just can’t picture ourselves skiing down Main Street for boozy brunch on Sundays.
8. If it looks too good to be true…
Our next listing is for a “rent to own” home in South San Francisco, CA. It’s purported to be a “spacious” three-bedroom, two-bath home with new-ish appliances, and even pets are welcome. In addition, “bad credit” is okay with the seller. Now, even the most casual of followers of the real estate market know that San Francisco is one of the most expensive housing markets in the US. So, we hate to balk at the $950 per month rental price for this too-good-to-be-true listing, but we’re going to balk. The Google Earth image doesn’t help elevate this listing’s credibility, either. It looks like we won’t be losing our hearts in San Francisco this Valentine’s Day after all. Bummer.
9. Mad Photoshop Skillz
If there’s one thing that can be said of the owner of this Springfield, IL listing, it’s that they have crazy good Photoshop skills. And, they had every intention of showing off those skills with their home listing. Every one of the listing’s more than two dozen photos are so heavily Photoshopped that they look more like renderings than photos.
The homeowner went so far as to add streaming light in some photos, and detailed layers of shadows in others. The end result has us scratching our heads — we literally have no idea what the home looks like under all those filters.
But we have no doubt that the intrepid seller can whip up a “sold” sign in a jiffy.
10. No shirt, no shoes=no dice
You’ll be living large in our final listing. The 1,700-square-foot three-bedroom home in Byron, GA boasts a “large kitchen and dining room,” “very large living room,” a “large walk-in closet,” and a “huge” master bathroom — all for $80,000. The seller had to lower the asking price because “there has been a lot of trashed [sic] dumped on the property” recently. Um, okay?
While there are no photos of the alleged trash or the larger-than-life living spaces, there is a photo of the homeowner relaxing in his underwear on the sofa with a stuffed animal, surrounded by boxes and assorted junk. We wish we were making it up, and that we could unsee this photo. And while we’d love to applaud the homeowner’s extreme body confidence, it looks more like a horrific accident — you know you shouldn’t look, but can’t help yourself and keep looking anyway.