Living off the grid isn’t for everyone. But if you like trees more than people, one of these remote cabins in the woods might be the new home for you. Read fine leather-bound literature, drink bourbon, grow a beard. Build a ship in a bottle, hunt for sasquatch and write letters with a quill. Young lovers in the forest will pass by and tell stories. You’ll become the stuff of myth, like Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars. Wide-eyed children will discover the truth of your heroic past (dragons?) and though they never speak to you directly (you are a crazy hermit after all), you can sleep sound knowing that (gosh darnit) they respect you. When you drive five hours into town for moonshine you avoid the admiring glances from farmer’s daughters. Just because you beat a Sea Monster in a fist fight doesn’t make you special. You put on your long johns on one leg at a time, just like everybody else.
If this elaborate fantasy doesn’t convince you, we don’t know what will. Please enjoy the following tour of Craigslist listings in Washington’s hinterlands:
$99,500 / one-bedroom, 550-square-foot – WILDERNESS CABIN: SKYKOMISH RIVER
Only a thirty-one hour walk from the Space Needle, this cabin features an outhouse, fire pit, and is located less than 100 yards from a river large enough to collect tears in the rain.
$155,000 / three-bedroom, 414-square-foot – Vintage Cabin (Snoqualmie Pass)
In this home fit for Gaston from Beauty and the Beast, you can eat five dozen eggs and propose to the loveliest woman in town. When she rejects you, bring your sidekick over to confirm you’re still number one. Who does she think she is? No one’s slick as Gaston. No one’s quick as Gaston. No one’s neck’s as incredibly thick as Gaston’s. For there’s no one as burly and brawny. Will she change her mind? Probably not. But you’ll be living in this awesome cabin, so who cares.
$130,000 / three-bedroom, 1,600-square-foot – Off grid house on 20 acres for sale by owner in Colville, WA
Just in time for Thanksgiving, you can move into this prepper paradise surrounded by wild turkeys! There is no cell phone service, but it is well equipped with solar panels, a 500 gallon propane tank, and hydraulic wood splitter. Roughly 356 miles away from the Key Arena, when the Sonics come back, you won’t know about it.
$120,000 / one-bedroom, 730-square-foot – Modern Cabin with the Closest Full View of Mt. Baker
Wake up to this gorgeous view of Mt. Baker after a long night writing your novel by candle light. Drink an entire pot of coffee and think about how lucky you are to be away from traffic and humanity. Your ferret will thank you.
$329,000/ four-bedroom, 1,522-square-foot – Kurt Cobain’s Childhood Home in Aberdeen, WA
Take your tortured soul to birthplace of grunge. Kurt Cobain’s childhood home has been on the market for over a year now with no buyers in sight. Here’s a video tour of the inside. Can’t think of a better place to get away from it all with Leonard Cohen and a hot cup of Pennyroyal tea.
$180,00 / 1,000-square-foot – Excellent 30-foot Yurt For Sale
“Brand new very well made yurt for sale. Includes extras, snow & wind load packaging, nice large acrylic dome with opener, front and back door, wood stove wall adapter, platform, and blocking. Perfect for mobile office, recreational retreat, in-law housing, etc.”
$68,000 / two-bedroom, 650-square-foot – Off grid hideaway cabin (priest river area)
Give your trinkets a new home in this wilderness fixer-upper. Commune with beasts and become one with nature in all of its glory. Unleash your spirit animal.
This could be you. Just follow your dreams.