Sure, everyone poops. But no one wants to hear it.

The “Akatu Fake Shower” app plays innocuous water-splashing sounds to mask the less-pleasant calls of nature, so you don’t have to broadcast the outcome of your twelve-taco lunch to everyone in a half-mile radius of the bathroom stall.

App users can choose between mimicking a faucet or shower noise at three different water-flow levels. “Fake Shower” also calculates how many liters of water you’re saving by not actually turning on the faucet or shower to hide your sounds of gastrointestinal distress.

There’s also an option to earn badges for “achievements” and share them via social media, which seems kind of counter-productive. And no, we don’t want to know what kind of “achievements” the creators mean.

The app targets couples who want to preserve that sense of romantic mystery through good times and bad, bowel-wise. The developer’s description wraps up with this amazing tagline: “Love is blind. But it’s not deaf.”

The commode-conscious can download “Fake Shower” here.

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