If the world were a John Hughes high school movie, New York would be wearing a studded leather jacket and smoking behind the bleachers.

The Denmark-based Reputation Institute polled more than 18,000 people from the G8 countries and came up with a list of the most reputable cities on Earth – and New York didn’t even crack the top 30.

Vancouver took the first spot, followed by Vienna, Sydney and Copenhagen. The 100 largest cities in the world were evaluated based on 13 factors, including beauty, safety, cultural/entertainment options, food, economic policies and infrastructure. San Francisco was the highest-ranked US city at No. 15, which makes sense, given its cultural similarity to Vancouver. New York warranted a piddling No. 39, after Orlando (#36) and Seattle (#37). The rest of the eight US cities in the top 50 were Houston (#40), New Orleans (#43), Washington D.C. (#44) and Boston (#50).

The five worst-ranked cities were Karachi, Bogota, Moscow, Tehran and Baghdad.

According to the survey, small to medium, safe, eco-conscious cities performed better than sprawling metropolises such as London, Hong Kong, Tokyo, Shanghai and New York.

“The world’s largest cities certainly face more challenges when it comes to managing their reputation,” Reputation Institute executive partner Nicolas Georges Trad said in a statement. “They have many more factors that can impact their reputation and many of these influencers cannot be controlled. Additionally, big cities tend to operate much more under the microscope of the media.”

The Big Moldy Apple That Nobody Likes wasn’t entirely shunned, though; New York was No. 7 and No. 5 in the top places to visit and invest in, respectively. So basically, people will tour us and park money in us, but won’t bring us home to meet their families. Rude.

Here are the cities you want to sit next to in the cafeteria:

1.) Vancouver
2.) Vienna
3.) Sydney
4.) Copenhagen
5.) Oslo
6.) Barcelona
7.) Florence
8.) Venice
9.) Stockholm
10.) Melbourne
11.) Paris
12.) Munich
13.) London
14.) Osaka
15.) San Francisco
16.) Rome
17.) Zurich
18.) Geneva
19.) Frankfurt
20.) Edinburgh

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